So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
