Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I party with great urgency now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
