Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
