i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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