that's an acceptable place to lick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
