I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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