my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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