Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
