did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
