I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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