everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
