You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
