Four minutes until I can fart!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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