I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
