p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
