So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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