we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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