This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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