From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
