I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
