My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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