pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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