I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
