First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
