you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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