Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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