TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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