my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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