her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
