i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
