Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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