ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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