if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
