he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
