there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
