hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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