Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
