Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
