I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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