My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
