FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
