i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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