What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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