the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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