Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
