Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
