i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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