You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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