omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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