Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have tasted many bathrooms
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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