He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
